World Suicide Prevention Day 2020: Please Stay

If I’m honest with you, I hate this day. 

I hate that it is necessary. I hate that it has to exist. 

I’m grateful it does exist. But I wish it didn’t have to. 

If I’m honest with you, every year I collapse into my bed on the end of this day and cry. Every year I feel the same wave of exhaustion, and silently sigh to God “will I ever be able to do enough?” 

Every year I ask God how I’ll ever be able to convince enough people to stay alive. Every year He tells me that its not my job to convince them to stay alive, simply tell them that there is hope. There is hope. There is recovery. There is healing. There are better days ahead, really. 

But the weight of communicating that message is never lost on me. It will never be ordinary to me to tell you that life is worth living, and that you matter so much. 

I will never think of the 800,000 people that die by suicide each year and not want to weep. I will never not think how I wish I could have heard them tell their story. To tell them that they are a hero for making it so far, that hope exists for them too and that we’ll find it together. That they don’t have to be alone. 

If I could change one thing in the world I would change that. But since I cannot change that, I will tell you. 

I will tell you that your presence on this earth matters.

I will tell you that you make every bit of a difference here.

I will tell you that we wouldn’t be the same without you.

I will tell you that nothing would be the same if you did not exist.

I will tell you that we need you here. 

I will tell you that I’m sorry.

I will tell you that I’m sorry this battle is so unfair. I know you did not choose it.

I will tell you that I’m sorry that when you beg your mind for just a moment of quiet it doesn’t listen.

I will tell you that I’m sorry you’re so sad, that it feels like the depression has won.

I will tell you that I’m sorry for all the ways your heart races, that it feels like the anxiety is greater than you. 

I will tell you that I’m sorry for all the sleepless nights.

I will tell you I’m sorry for all the scary thoughts. 

I will tell you that I’m sorry that you have ever had to feel like this.

I will tell you that you’re brave. 

I will tell you that you are a warrior for making out of bed this morning, when everything in your body told you not to.

I will tell you that you’re stronger than you realize.

I will tell you that you’re not broken for needing help.

I will tell you that you’re courageous to ask for help.

I will tell you that you are loved, even when it doesn’t feel like it, even when the people who are supposed to love you don’t.

I will tell you that you matter even when you don’t think you do. 

I will tell you that you’re worthy even when it doesn’t feel like it. 

I will tell you that you’re making a difference. 

I will tell you to please stay.

I will tell you to please stay. 

I will tell you to please stay. 

I will tell you to please stay.

I will tell you to please stay. 

I will tell you to please stay. 

I will tell you to please stay. 

I will tell you that better days really are coming. Please stay to see them.

I will tell you that it really will get better. Please stay to see it.

I will tell you that you won’t always feel like this. Please stay to feel that. 

I will tell you that you will smile again. Please stay to smile.

I will tell you that you will laugh again. Please stay to laugh.

I will tell you that you will be you again. Please stay to be you. 

I will tell you that you will feel at home with yourself again. Please stay to feel at home.

I will tell you that recovery is real. Please stay for recovery. 

I will tell you that healing is possible. Please stay for healing. 

I will tell you that hope is yours. Please stay for hope. 

Please stay.

You make today and every day better. Nothing would be the same if you did not exist. 

I know this is not an easy or fair fight. But you are not the quitting type. I know you are tired. But you are brave enough to take it one day at a time. I know it all feels like too much. But you are stronger than you know. 

One day you will look back, and I know you will be glad that you stayed. I know you will. 

Tomorrow is a beautiful place with you in it. So, please stay. 

I’ll see you tomorrow.